Do not visit Madeira!

Madeira Island is one of the most awful places to go to. Who wants to go to a gorgeous island situated in the Atlantic Ocean? Most visitors say that it is a perfect holiday destination … with mountains, a wonderful climate, and beautiful views all in one! Do you really want to go to such a place on your vacation?

Can you believe that there are travelers who prefer to go to Madeira instead of going to the Dominican Republic or the Caribbean? And why …. because Madeira has breathtakingly views? They are just what they are … breathtaking! Now who wants to experience that?

There was one plus I thought the island would have … and that is the lack of sandy beaches. But then I saw the neighbouring island of Porto Santo … unfortunately …. more than 8 km of sandy golden beach. Washed by warm, crystalline waters … such a place is for those who wants to refuge for a quiet, nauseous relaxing holiday.

Are you sure you want to continue reading? If so, then it is at your own risk!

I do not understand why the Madeira Islands are such a very popular European tourist destination. You see cruise ships often port in the capital of Funchal … on their way to the Caribbean and the Mediterranean. Why? And then all these travellers go visiting the Funchal city. They go to that awful coloured market (Mercado do Lavradores) and they even dare to take a ride on the abhorrent toboggan. Haven’t they seen enough picturesque amphitheater cities?

What the most annoying part is that the island has a lot of natural beauty … so that one day will not be enough to see it all. Not even a week!

The island is not very large (thank goodness!), 36 miles (58 km) long and 15 miles (23 km) wide, but because it is so mountainous, deeply gouged cliffs and lush, steep valleys … it makes travel slow. I can not imagine anyone that wants to spend time watching the green back country and precipitous valleys.

And the so called ‘levadas’. What a mistake is that! Who’s idea was to build these things? Lost of island visitors and even locals use the levadas to explore the island. There are hundreds of miles of walking trails along the levadas, all are like veins that goes through the Laurisilva forest and other terrible sub-tropical regions of the island.

Because Madeira lies on the Gulf Stream, unfortunately it makes the climate very mild. Both the water and air temperature averages between 16-23 degrees Centigrade (60 to 73 degrees Fahrenheit) all year-round. So you will miss here the o so marvelous cold and bad weather. This is one of the greatest disadvantages this island has. The ‘Islands of Eternal Spring’? Do you want to be in such a place? Don’t think so.

And another thing … these stupid micro climates! Due to the mountain infrastructure, the temperature can vary significantly from one side of the island to the other. Funchal and the rest of the southern coast are usually warmer and sunnier than the northern side of Madeira. An island suppose to have only one climate and not several. I think Mother Nature got somewhat confused here. This causes that each season has it variety of flowers and fruits. Bah, these are the f-words I do not like to hear. Bananas …. are in season all year-round (talking about going bananas!) … grapes are harvested from August through October (for what? and why all those grapes?).

And these locals Madeirans … all helpfull and friendly. With their repulsive feasts and events .. almost on each month of the year. Also another thing … who wants to live on a place that has a very low crime? When you read the newspapers here the island events are having more prominence than bad news. Can you believe that?

I do not recommend you to visit Madeira. No … stay away from it! Even when it is an island with beautiful green mountains, … perfect weather, and beautiful flora … don’t visit it.

You will not enjoy the island …. like we do.